The Comeback: Stay at Home Moms Who Returned to Their Career

Spending the week in a hotel with a baby means a lot of very quiet, no-movement time during naps. I actually really enjoy it because if I was at home I would get distracted by things around the house but in the room I get the opportunity to not do much else but play on pinterest, read, or blog.

I'm not sure where I happened upon this book, but I recently picked up The Comeback by Emma Gilbey Keller. I've only made it through the first 11 pages of the introduction, but I already love it. This woman could be reading my mind.

"My work was my world."

Mine too! I was a self proclaimed workaholic and I lived and breathed my job, to the extreme (because of my strengths) but I LOVED work in general. Before we got married I told my husband, that no way in the world would I be a SAHM, some people can hack it - but not me.

The author has the same type of situation, essentially, her husband (by no fault of him and willingly by her) had a career that received priority and essentially caused her to become a SAHM.

"The biggest adjustment women face when they give up work - more even than loosing an income - is that their confidence starts to decline. Being in the outside world, getting paid, and communicating with adults is healthy and energizing. Giving that up is tough on the ego. Some women feel diminished and inadequate. Some get lonely and depressed. They can be very, very busy and very, very bored."

BINGO. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I think she highlights two main things about being a SAHM: that it can be mind-numbing and that it effects your self-esteem. There is a strong correlation between the two, being given only menial tasks at work feels like a demotion, and while child-rearing is a very important job, changing diapers and cleaning up puke can be demoralizing.

Eventually, the author gets to a point where her daughter said to her "I go to school. Molly goes to school. Daddy goes to work. And Mommy goes to...gym." And she realized that it was time to go back to her career; which leads to The Comeback, her search for women who "took an extended maternity leave," paused their careers, and successfully returned to them. Something that I dream of doing.

I always wonder if I'm the only woman out there that feels this way, which is why I started this blog. Just reading part of the intro to this book made me feel like there is hope for me, that this is the right decision, and that I will be able to return to an amazing job someday.

Sincerely,
Jordan

P.S. - I want to hear from you! If you are a SAHM - do you feel the same way? If your a career mom - what do you think? Or if your just a woman in general who has been there or may be here someday - thoughts? Advice? Am I all alone out there on this one?

How To Find Your Strengths

Last week, as part of  Get Out of The House week, I signed up for a Living Your Strengths class at our church. The class is based off the Clifton StrengthsFinder test and if you have never done it before - YOU NEED TO! I swear this test has given me so much insight. I've even actually taken it before, 5 years ago in the business setting, and because my life has change significantly (quitting my job) it has given me even new perspective.

To summarize, the test basically identifies five overlying themes/strengths that "energize you." These are things that you are naturally good at and are innate to your personality. In class, we were told that 1 in 33,000,000 people have the exact same five themes in the exact same order and only 1 in 275,000 have even the same five regardless of order. Essentially, YOU ARE UNIQUE and HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL TO BRING TO THE WORLD. I love this message because I truly believe that I have something I was meant to do here.

So these are my signature themes, in order, Significance, Responsibility, Input, Learner, Achiever; and they make SO much sense to me, especially once I read more about them. (At first when I read Significance, I felt super insecure because I felt like it made me sound like an attention-hog, but I don't really think I come off that way and if I do, I don't mean too!) When you read the descriptions of each strength, they explain that they each manifest differently in each person, for me, Significance means that I "see my work as a way of life rather than a job" and I want to be seen as "credible, professional, successful" and that I need "free rein" over tasks. I get stressed out "being admired", especially in front of people, so that part of the strength really does not align with me, along with a few other things. If you were blessed with Significance in your top five too, you might be attracted to "wanting to stand out" or "being an independent spirit" instead, and that is a great thing because you are able to capitalize on those elements.

These strengths 100% explain the rise and fall of my inner-city teaching career, to the degree where I actually think they were a dangerous combination. I could go on and on about how I "see my work as a way of life rather than a job," that's one of the reasons I worked 12 hour days 7 days a week; combined with my Achiever strength, "working long hours without burning out" I just COULD.NOT.STOP.  Choosing teaching came naturally because of my Learner and Input strengths, because I "love to learn" and overwhelmingly wanted to share it with my students. My Responsibility strength explains why I felt "emotionally bound to follow through," my "obsession for doing things right," "that my good name depends on it," and why I had was unable to leave even though I was truly starting to burn-out. I know if we hadn't moved, I would have not been able to leave and could have been in a really bad place. Pushing your strengths to their breaking point can easily turn them into weaknesses.

*Although, when I think of teaching and strengths, all I want to do is make all of my students take this test and then teach to their strengths. That would be marvelous! JUST.CAN'T.STOP.

Now that I know this about myself, I need to search for jobs/experience that help me to maximize these traits. Along with the descriptions of these signature themes I was given a worksheet of action items, and as I said before, I took this class through my church, and so we received the Catholic Edition of the book, which also includes ways to get involved in your parish utilizing your strengths. I am so excited to explore some of these action items.

It's also surprising to me how well this blog fits my strengths right now. Even if only one person reads a post and gets something out of it, I feel Significant. I feel like I am dispensing information that might have some value (Input) and I get to Learn, a whole bunch of things, whatever and whenever I want; I am 100% Responsible. The Achiever in my enables me to achieve tangible goals, even like just posting once a day.

Essentially, buying this book, for $15, and taking this class has been enormously helpful for me and I totally recommend it to you. And if I'm not convincing enough, Einstein says it best.

Sincerely,
Jordan

P.S. - If you take/have taken this - SHARE with me! I want to know your strengths and how you use them!

Blogging into the New Year

I've been doing a lot of blog reading, even more so since I started my own. Sans work, I don't get the same interaction with people and perspectives that I used to; blogging and reading blogs has enabled me to create a community around my interests. Even though I've never met some of these people just reading their writing has really inspired me to try new things and examine my life and career. Maybe you will find a new interest, your mommy project, or just appreciate life more. As a SAHM it's going to be important to maintain your sense of self in all that raising-a-family work. For the New Year, I'm going to challenge you to try some of these blogs and find some of your own to share with me.

These blogs were chosen because they offer quality content that is relevant and inspiring to me and what is going in my life right now. They are a random smattering of things that I am interested in, (they actually align pretty well with my E&E Skills Breakdown.) Some are just starting up and some are well established, but they all offer great perspectives. I can't wait to see what they have to offer in 2012!

Here they are, in alphabetical order:

Alexis Grant, The Traveling Writer
This has been my most recent find and I have truly enjoyed the wonderful life/career break/blog advice that Alexis provides.

Capitol Hill Style
I spent some time in DC and will be returning in a few years, so I find some of the commentary and career advice highly entertaining and engaging, but I also like the fashion recommendations. Belle gives styles and products in a range of prices for all occasions on the Hill. (She must have a really similar style to myself because I love it.)

Eat Live Run
Fun stories and FABULOUS recipes with REAL ingredients (i.e. not a can of artificial who-knows-what but also not something I've never heard of and have to order online or get at a specialty store.)

iheart Organizing
Let's be honest, the title says it all. This blog is super functional and pretty. Love it.

Make It and Love It
I love all the projects in this blog. I don't sew but Ashley certainly inspires me to try! I seriously want to get a sewing machine (maybe a 2012 project?)

Merrick's Art
A fantastic fashion blog for the SAHM. Merrick encourages you to refashion whats already in your closet and to find great pieces at a reasonable price while being totally trendy. (Another blog that is doing a great job making me want to sew.) She also has an art site for her paintings which are fantastic.

Penelope Trunk Blog
This woman is ridiculously blunt and open about life and work. Funny and very refreshing.

Things After the Rings
A great blog about being a newlywed and all of the life things that come along with it.

Young House Love
I too have an old house that needs lots of work (we have a milk door) but this is just a great blog for any home DIYer. Plus pretty pictures.

Sincerely,
Jordan

P.S. - Now that you know what I like - send me your blog recommendations!

Finding My Passion Through a Naptime Project

A few days ago I decided I was going to make a commitment to hit the books and read as much as I can about employability, jobs, and career searching - and I have! I've been majorly requesting as many books as I can find at the library (I LOVE my local library) and I've been reading articles and checking out other blogs. I try to squeeze as much researching as I can into nap times. (I LOVE nap times.) There is so much stuff out there and I have only touched the surface. I've started to pin things that I'd like to read or have already read onto my pinterest.

I can't tell you how much I am enjoying just reading and taking notes on things I want to share. Starting this blog has been a great project for me and I have been much in need of a project! I feel that every new stay-at-home mom really needs some sort of mommy project. I know a lot of SAHMs that take up photography (why not when you have such cute subjects) or cooking or blogging or start a mommy business. Regardless of what you decided to do, having some sort of goal-oriented project is great for taking your mind off all the drool and poop.

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was having trouble finding a naptime project. I have no hobbies; my career was my hobby. It sounds sad but I truly enjoy the organization of going into work for a set amount of time and focusing all of my thoughts onto one/many tasks that support an end goal. Right after I had my son, I channeled all of this "work" energy into taking care of my son, which sounds good but it really wasn't. I read every parenting book I could find, I started writing down every little think my son did, I gave ridiculously detailed instructions for the smallest of tasks, even for my husband, and even if I was only just going to take a shower. I tried to organize my infant, which obviously went over spectacularly. To some degree I'm sure this is a very normal reaction for a new mom, but one day, I finally realized that I can take care of my son without making it my life's work.

I love the idea of working for myself and so I really wanted to start a mommy business. I read a bunch of things about starting a business and everything seemed pretty fun and manageable but I kept stumbling over the "idea" or the "product" or the "service" that I needed to center my business around. In thinking about this whole hobby/business thing I kind of realized that I am not even sure what I want to be passionate about!

About a month ago someone suggest that I read "What Color is Your Parachute" by Richard Bolles. I read it in 2007 when I was going through a job search and found it be really helpful; it was so helpful that I read the first two chapters and found a job right away. (These events were not mutually exclusive either; one of the methods he advocates for is asking family and friends, which is how I ended up finding that job.)

So finally last week, right before I stumbled upon starting this blog, I took it out and starting flipping past the two chapters I had already read and I found a whole section on "resuming the search to find your dream." So I've decided that this is going to be my first recommended reading book. When I go back to the job market I don't want to return to just any old 9-5, I want to truly LOVE what I am doing because otherwise it's just not worth it.

Sincerely,
Jordan